I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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