man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
did i just pee glitter
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
