i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize