Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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