The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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