the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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