good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
