tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
