Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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