allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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