apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize