There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
