Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
