My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
