he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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