Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
