She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
