I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
