I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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