Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
