Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
