I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
