I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
