i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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