3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
