Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
