He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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