Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
