Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I need to calm my uterus...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
