I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
