Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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