I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
