you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
