dude i'm inner monologue high
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
