READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
