The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
