My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
