she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
