she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
birth control should be required to get into college
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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