Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
