alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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