I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
