What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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