You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
