I could have mohawked her pubes.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
