I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
