I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
