so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
