i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
