and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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