I haven't been this sober since birth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
