So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
