ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
