i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
