look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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