New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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