...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
