Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
