he was CRYING into my vagina
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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