# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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