what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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