i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
