is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
God, I missed his penis.
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