you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
