We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
