I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
