Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you win again, gameday.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
