So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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