I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
