I want to have your abortion
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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