I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
