paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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