He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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