I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
