I got chris browned last night
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
