You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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