I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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