i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
