What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
