Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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