Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
