I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
