Please, let me fuck your mom
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
