I think I won the penis lottery.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
