Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
