someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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