and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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