tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
