so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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