im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
