I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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