he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
