Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
