I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
