what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
