You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
