Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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