Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
