Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
