Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
