The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
