Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's just like the Real World with babies
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
