He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
