Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
