Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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