he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
