I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
